The Unpolluted-Unmasked-Me

December 2008

2008-12-13T18:08:00.001-05:00

Coming back to blogging??

My Birthday

2007-01-19T14:53:00.000-05:00

Just gonna post up some of my birthday pictures for you guys to see :)

I had a blast..went out with a few friends to a lounge and they were playing 80s 90s music...was fun.!!

Missing Malaysia

2007-01-19T14:43:00.000-05:00

Have you guys ever thought of how much you miss Malaysia?

I do...everytime I see the picture of Petronas Tower and mamak stores...my heart just melts...

The question of whether I should go home after my graduation always bother me. Even though I desperately want to be a Canadian, a big part of me still want to go back to KL to work and experience being a TRUE Malaysian...

awwww...i miss home

What is inside?

2006-12-14T00:08:00.000-05:00

There is something particular in my mind...I want to know what it is specifically;However, no matter how hard I try to get that thought out of my mind, I just can't figure it out. Now, even more thoughts are in my mind, and they are driving me crazy!!

When all these thoughts of posibilities set into place, I don't know what am I thinking anymore. Eveything in my mind seems to be the "possibility of that specific thing" ...WHAT IS INSIDE MY MIND???

Is it a place? a feeling or a person?

Emptiness

2006-12-07T11:04:00.000-05:00

Just got out from bed and the very 1st feeling im feeling now is emptiness. I dont want to feel this way. Why am I feeling this way....How do I not feel this way?

A heavy heart and an empty soul....

What will you do?

2006-11-28T02:16:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wonder what to do when your own plans, your own life, your own emotions and your own-self fucked you up?

Over Consumed

2006-11-21T01:53:00.000-05:00

Exhausted... but I like it this way.

Been extremely busy with work, school, and work.

Total time in a week :
24hrs*7 days
:168hrs a week
-40 hrs of studying per week
-18 hrs of homework/project per week
-12 hrs of classes per week
-20 hrs of work per week
-13 hrs to church related activities per week
-28 hours of daily chore per week (4 hrs per day)
____________________
37 hrs left for sleep per week
____________________

On average, I have 5 hrs sleep per night!! I need to catch up with some zzzzz

My body is totally over consumed by the "Busy-ness" of life

Security

2006-11-19T02:10:00.000-05:00

I just want to be like the little kitty...feeling secure in the "big guy's" embrace.

Not sustainable

2006-11-18T02:00:00.000-05:00

Confessions...

I have been super busy since after I broke up recently. It is obviously not because I have to do the stuff Im doing.... it is just because I want to keep myself busy to run away from the reality of going through a break up.

Surprisingly, I've been very very honest with myself and I do admit my weaknesses. In fact, accepting them pretty well. But, accepting something does not always mean I will do something or make a change about it.

Running away is the perfect way..but WILL IT HELP TO HEAL?

The life I am going through now is not gonna be sustainable. I will be tired, frustrated, drained, and burned out.... It is just a matter of time.

Slowly

2006-11-17T04:45:00.000-05:00

Many times I think that I am killing myself slowly...

It is 5am on a Friday morning and I am still awake. It is not because I cant sleep...I dare not to go to bed and get haunted by nightmares...my past, my present, myself. I slept for 5hrs yesterday nite and I am still up until now...

I have no idea how long this is gonna continue...

Again and again...

2006-11-14T01:10:00.000-05:00

I am thinking again....

deep deep thoughts about my life, my past, my existance...who am I? where do I really belong?

I wish I have answers to all these questions. I am frustrated and tired of having to figure out all these thoughts ...

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A DEEP THINKER?
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SOOOOO COMPLICATED?
WHY CANT I JUST BE A SIMPLE GIRL?

I am doubting everything about me, myself and I .... sooo frustrated!!

Nov 13, 2006

2006-11-13T01:27:00.000-05:00

I thought of blogging today.

It has been a long while since I blogged and I realised that when I try to customize my template , I accidenatally deleted all the blogspot contacts I have; therefore, I am now left with just the basic stuff.

Starting off fresh...all new =)

The Story

2006-08-07T12:56:00.000-04:00

~*Im learning to withdraw myself....from everything.~*

Learning to talk less and keep more privacy to myself...
learning to LOVE myself more, trust myself more, and be my own friend.

Silence, many times, makes perfection. .SILENCE is golden.... if someone wants to know more bout me....look into my eyes and am sure they will hear the unspoken words.

Im reading this book...FEEL sooo much for it... as if the books is a person...it knows exactly how i feel...how i think...and even more..it has spoken the thoughts that I never known how to put into words.

I might be a changed person since im back, not sure is it a good thing..but at least im happy for now. I am learning to be less realistic and learn to understand the GREY area of life....i am so into surviving for passion...i want to burst upon the city like fireworks... one day....one day...i want to be like that.. to shine and put a smile on those ppl who knows how to appreciate me...

"if u know me well enuf....u know im not a positive person...i live in the PAST of memories.... thats the only thing that keeps me going...cos i want to make something happy out of it...to turn those sadness into precious moments...without those moments..ill not be a "beautiful swam" today ......am dreaming again..caught between my dream and the reality..."

"I live day by day...aimlessly...as if i dont belong here...neither i know where i belong..but it is ok..one day, one day...ill find my existence and even if i dont, at least, you acknowledge my presence here."

by Wei Hui

"XIN XUE LAI CHAO"

2006-08-03T13:36:00.000-04:00

*XIN XUE LAI CHAO* is a chinese saying meaning (direct translation) "heart blood come suddenly" which normally use to describe the feeling of wanting to do something out of a RUSH feeling.

I am describing myself as that. Many times the reason I blog because of some usual "occasion" that is happening in my life...no exception for this time =) not to mention what, ill keep it as a secret. As i mentioned, things dont have to be SUPER clear, right?? To add some excitements in life is to keep life interesting by participating in some Guessing Games......waiting to be answered.

Called Yuk Shan a few days ago and if she is reading this blog, she will be laughing. GOOD TIMING huh girl!! yes, it is always about timing. I miss hanging around with girls... just to catch up with each others and talk for hours without knowing the time. The best thing is still talking about the past, how we grew up, our stories in school and of cause our guys' stories. Girls, i miss that =)

As im back in Ipoh now, I drove around those places i used to hang out....much much memories. I miss this small lil city but at the same time, this is not the place i want to be in for the rest of my life...Short-term, no problem...no questions asked...long-term, forget it.

1) Ipoh Parade - left the most memo....of cos guys related but only one guy. 2-and-a-half yrs of memories.
2) Jusco - girls related...miss the weekly girls' hang out.
3) Ipoh Public Library - that was where i got my SPM results. aaha...
4) KFC Canning Gdn - yes, i "studied" there b4 with a very special friend.
5) CGMC Canning Gdn - Kapten Ball & "group-study".
6) Ave Maria Convent - my old old old school

many more places...but those were the most memorable places ever....ill try to post up come pics if i have the chance to drive around and shoot some pics for my MEMO portfolio.ahahah...

Time to Come Back

2006-08-01T05:40:00.000-04:00

Back to bloggin mood...but duno where to start.

Im still in Msia...yes, stucked here...or should i say, i choose to be here..One word, i duno what am i doing, but i like the way it is now. Many times, things do not have to be super clear, there is always the grey area, right'? Am totally in a very complicated situation here - "home". Way to describe home is...H O M E. im still me, they are still family members ....and also there are still men and women out there. Some friends actually describe me as "You are still the JASMINE we known for ages". For people who have known me since secondary school will know what i mean by "IM STILL JASMINE".

Some old friends said that i always make my life complicated. I dont see it that way. i will only say....complication makes things interesting....but it depends on the situation =)
yes, i admit, it is complicated but....at least, i know what is happening and dealing with it with no regrets....or is it so? i dont really know the answer... at least, im happy, for now.

After all, im really taking in the idea of ~*No PaIn, No GaIn*~

Pic

2006-04-12T00:25:00.000-04:00

The only pic taken on Erin and Alex's wedding!

I look soooo young there! =)

Noone tells me to GO HOME

2006-04-11T23:09:00.000-04:00

It happened yesterday...

After the Habs and Sense's game (ice hockey), we got into a fight; however, sad to say... it didnt turn out to be a PHYSICAL fight (was close to slapping that Bitch though)...it was just verbal on our side... at least for me. I dont think the guys did hit that BITCH even though she kept throwing girly punches! grrrr... I still cant get over it !

Come on...be sporting!! Losing the game is not a "big freaking deal" man!! Cant these people just accept the fact that there will always be A WINNER & A LOSER when it comes to a COMPETITION!!??!! DuHhhhh.. Losing the freaking game doesnt mean that you have the rights to release all ya anger on me, GAL!! Worst thing --- She took out the RACE card ! That was not COOL....so IGNORANT!!

That Ottawa bitch told me to go back to my own country... she called me a F.O.B. >>> FRESH OFF BOAT!!

NOooooOne CALLS ME A FOB, BITCH!!
YOU GET UR ASS BACK TO OTTAWA!!

It is funny that some people can be soooo UN-SPORTING and emotinally soooo attached by just being a FAN!! The players will not even know who the hell u r. You think they will actually thank you for throwing a fight for them???? soooo childish!!I just dont understand...

Darn good GAME though!! Go Habs go!!
3-2

They are back

2006-03-28T22:35:00.000-05:00

I just heard on the radio that BEAUTIFUL people are back as the nice weather is back!! hahha...

hummmm......apparently beautiful people do hibernate!!!

~Thought of the day~

2006-03-28T00:21:00.000-05:00

Upset is when you don't get what you want!

Sooooo Fun

2006-03-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

Check this out guys!! it is soooo fun to watch and play with. You can control with ya mouse!!

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

oh boy!!! Mr G oh Mr G!!

2006-03-22T22:21:00.000-05:00

Is Wednesday today and yeap....means that I saw him again!! in total...we saw each other 3 times today!! We officially exchanged glances today though.

My friends were checking him out and they said that he was stalking on me =p

haha..whatever it is...it if not fun anymore!! not mysterious anymore. you know...sometimes if u get something too easily...it makes it boring and it is no longer as interesting as before. Besides, i think i am totally taking it for granded now... it is like..if i dont see "HIM" on Wed ... there will always be next Mon or Wed.

Had a meeting this evening and we finally finished our OB project. I am sooo tired now. ok..ciao.. going to bed and have a good night sleep.

hewwwwww

2006-03-20T21:57:00.000-05:00

It has been a long time since I spend the whole day alone in Uni without meeting up with any friends. I dont feel lonely at all, in fact, I felt GREAT... taste of Freedom!!! muahhhahahah...

This is the 3rd week....

3 weeks in a row: Mon and Wed - Bumped into "him". Who is he? What's his name? Is it really coincident that we always see each other in the library. Still find him pretty cute but... of cause he is not as cute as the 1st time I noticed him. Maybe it is his hair..yeah it is his hair.

I wonder what is so special about him that actually caught my attention?!? He was in my Comm212....i didnt notice him until the last 2 weeks of the class....how come? If he is that cute...i would have noticed him since the beginning of the class.....??!!? ohhhh....I remember....i noticed him because he was looking at me in class!! now i remember...he was checking me out *blush* ermmm...am i PERASAN? Maybe i am...maybe im not. i dont think im perasan...yeah...im convinced that he was looking at me... he used to sit behind of me...most of the time.

I dont know his name...Green jacket and Grey bagpack...lets call him Mr G !! ahha...new name for ya....Mr G..cutie G!?! nah....not that cute...just curious since i see him all the time in lib... opsss...im talking about Mr G too much...Min is gonna be mad at me!! opssssss *blush* no mad!! you know my heart!

*muah*

Inspiring

2006-03-10T11:09:00.000-05:00

When someone tells you that you can't do something......

Look around......

Consider all options....

Then go for it....

Use all the things God gave you...

Be creative.......

And you will succeed at the end!!

"When there is a will, there is a way"

Real self?

2006-03-09T01:01:00.000-05:00

i always wonder... can i actually be the real me in this lil corner of my blog? I guess no cos i no longer feel that freedom of being able to say whatever i want to say...
What if i say stuff that might hurt the people who read my blog?? Maybe im just too ignorant...who reads my blog anyways.None of "MY FRIENDS" does anyways...what's the point of having a blog then!!??!!

It hurts to know that you are no longer considered to be IN THE GROUP. You tried so hard and so many times you tell yaself that it is ok...but truly ..u know u r not... I am not going to act as if i dont care anymore...i do care about what you guys think bout me!! I am not invisible. i need attention and words of encouragements too!! noone cares...u ppl..all of u who call urself friends of mine... what about those words of FRIENDS FOREVER??? i wish ppl and leave messeges time to time..what do i get? i got SHIT!! not even a small lil msg from the drop box!! and here...some one's graduation...some one's birthday....someone's achievements.... and made it a BIG GREAT DEAL out of it...calling here and there...as if u guys are telling each other I am a better friend than you to her/him cause i called!! ..yeah....call me jealous...call me a freak...whatever..i dont care anymore.... i guess i was never considered as one of the friends anyways!!

Farewell, My Friend!

2006-02-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

All the best to you Laura. It must be good to go home.... however, i will always miss ya. Come back to Montreal soon & we will party again =)

Miss ya and love ya much !!

It is all coming back .....

2006-01-22T21:06:00.000-05:00

Whether you read this or not...I just want to say.... you still have the "power" to impress me as you used to be. I guess i just can't change the fact that you will always be in my mind no matter how much i try to forget about the past we had.... sweet or sad...guess it does not mean anything anymore. It is more just about a chapter of my life - a memory to me now... and forever...and i guess it will always be that way.

Birthday Celebration

2006-01-15T21:29:00.000-05:00

Birthday PICssssssss

Date: 14th January, 2006 (Saturday)
Location: La Boom, Montreal
Attended by: Mark, Loverly, Micheal, Eli, Laura, Fadi, Kim, Yassi, Maggie, Minoru and Jasmine

~My True Colour~

2005-12-27T13:23:00.000-05:00

Jasmine, your true colour is Black!

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

p/s: People, check this out http://web.tickle.com/ . Get to know ya self better.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-22T00:23:00.000-05:00

MeRRy ChRiStMaS & HaPpy
NeW YeAr!!

http://www.syfc.org.sg/christmas05/hokkien.htm

I DONT need you!

2005-11-16T19:45:00.000-05:00

You are the one who officially announced that you are sick and freaking tired of me...if so....then...LET IT BE!!

I dont freaking give a damn anymore too. Since both of us are suffering sooo much in this inseparable relationship, the best way to prevent fights and arguements is to MIND OUR OWN BUSINESS.

I tried sooo much to improve and heal our relationship, but it was just a waste of time and energy. SINCE you are the one who is giving up now....so let it be. There's no point for me to clap my own hands ...it takes two hands and willingness to make our relationship work...BUT...since u said u r freaking tired and sick of me ...IT IS OVER. I mean it...i really mean it...at the end, the one who get hurt most will neither be both of us...it will only be mum alone.

No matter what I do, how hard I try and cry... ill always remain imperfect in your point of view. BUT let me tell u this, YOU CANT ASPECT ME TO BE THE PERFECT LIL SISTER YOU ALWAYS WANTED ME TO BE. I am of flesh and blood, not a robot that just listen, obey and carry out your orders; eventhough i know most of the things you intended for me are good....I just cant fulfill that 100%. Ask yourself, have I ever asked you to be THE BROTHER I wanted you to be? I accept and repect you for who you are, why can't you do the same???? Besides, dont be a HYPOCRITE, be a perfectionist before you aspect me to be a 100% good LITTLE SISTER!

PMS-ing?

2005-11-09T02:51:00.000-05:00

The very first thing my friend asked me today was "ermmm....are you PMS-ing?" This is a question a girl will ask if it is obvious, but the truth is I AM NOT!

LISTEN!! Having ZITS on a girl's face do not always mean that she is PMS-ing.

The TRUTH is.... I am STRESSED!!!

I was staying up til 5 am for the past 3 days to finish my business report and I can't believe that only 3 days it takes to give the pimples the chance to "pop-out". Argggggg.....hate PIMPLES; they are big and painful.

Comparing with the times of staying up late when I was a teenager to now, I have become more prone to stress.... aiksss!! that was only a few years ago. Man....Im really getting old and even if I deny it, my body just doesnt lie.

-None-

2005-10-27T22:02:00.000-04:00

Thought that i should update my blog.

I have nothing much to say; tired and lazy.

Midterm is over and i am back to my lazy me. Am thinking of taking a few days off from books. Hopefully I will be able to catch up with my studying later on.

My life is soooo boring & dry. Feel really lonely. I was talking to my mum and i realised that I dont really have a focus in life. I am kind of tired of my life and am thinking a lot about "What is the real purpose of life?"

Guess no one can answer me this question. I will just leave it unanswered... maybe it is better that way.

~tHaNkFuLLnEss - it's ur gRaCe~

2005-10-15T18:37:00.000-04:00

Finally You have taken him home to your highest place
and there he will have joy, peace & eternal life.
May your comfort and peace
be with his family
as they continue to grow and trust
in You, the ultimate one,
knowing that he is with You,
our Father in heaven.

Amen

We here; far away from you now, will "mourn with those who mourn" (Rom12:15) , but at the same time, as those who belong to Christ, not "to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope."(1Thess4:13)

In the living hope of Jesus Christ, we belong to one.

Efficiency deficiency

2005-10-12T01:29:00.000-04:00

I have everything planned out for my next 2 weeks' schedule and everyday I will be sitting on my butt, studying my head off....

tHaT iS hOw bUsY I aM !!!

Mummy is here and it is good that she is here to cook and clean the house for us. Of cause, I am NOT using her. I do appreciate her... just that I am too busy now preparing my two exams on the 23rd.

I have been studying a lot for the past few days and yet i feel that my studying is not efficient. I am not focusing enough and i am too slow!! I like school but i just hate exams.

I had a presentation 3 days ago and it was freaky!! I stood in front of the class for 3 minutes just to present THE IMPORTANCE OF BUSINESS CARD EXCHANGE IN ASIA. The scariest thing was that, people did actually laugh at you when u make mistake ... like not pronouncing properly or get stuck in the middle of the presentation& not knowing what else to say. Thank God that I didnt forget my speech, but i did miss out some points. Whatever it is... the 1st presentation is OVER and there are TWO more to come.... longer presentation with more challenging topics.

Other than this Business Communication class, my best friend is now my CALCULATOR. Yes .... I AM MAJORING IN ACCOUNTING !! I am so gonna be a accountant. That's what I want, do I? With all the business classes I have taken, i think accounting make most sense to me.

Marketing - is full of CRAP and BULL SHIT.
Finance - too much calculation ... $ $ $ $ all the time
MIS - too much programming and databases
Econs - My old major, love it, but not applicable in Business School
Management - No leadership skills
Accounting.... sounds good for now.

I cant wait to finish school and work and get rich and get a car and get a house and get married and have kids and get retire and travel around the world in my own private jet....hahahahah...

d r e a m i n g!!

~ oLd fRiEnDs ~

2005-10-01T16:46:00.000-04:00

I have been dreaming a lot about my old friends recently. I think i really do miss my old life in Malaysia...especially those teenage days.
I dreamt about hang out with the girls in school after classes and also in JJ on Saturdays. Dreamt about all the boy friends i had and also those sweet, annoying "playing hard to get" times. Those tuition times were most unforgetable. Awwww....

Currently I am sooooo busy with school that I have no life. So many things to do and so liltle time. I love school but i hate exams. How am I gonna go thru this alone!!!!

Well, mummy is coming to visit this coming Wed. At least there is still something for me to look forward to. =)

Cheers

Busy

2005-09-25T14:47:00.000-04:00

School started and fall is here.

Is Sunday today and I just finished an online quiz for Managerial Accounting. Didnt get to go to church as i have to finish it between 12pm to 6pm. I thought the quiz is gonna take a while but it wasn't too bad overall. However, I am still trying to figure out why the heck professors assign online quizes on SUNDAY!! Isnt Sunday a day of REST. Well, i guess it is because noone goes to church afterall.

The weather is cold. It was still pretty warm last week but suddenly, "boom" the 22nd - last day of Summer....and here comes the cold, wet AUTUMN.

Red, Orange and Brown will soon fill the city.

The Greens are fading and very soon..the WHITE will cover the whole city of Monteal.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.... how great is God's creation!! but i still hate the cold and the strong wind!!=)

Anyways, im going back to studies... have a lot to catch up.

p/s:

I complained that there were too many YELLOWs in my classes last sem and this sem my classes are filled with WHITEs-mat selleh ... AND now ... im here complaining that there are just too many of WHITEs. =( Just realised that I will never be satisfied!! Dont know what i want....

Amazing Trip

2005-09-03T15:33:00.000-04:00

Overall the trip was amazing.

My schedule was packed and i gotta do everything a tourist will do and besides, i also gotta experience the life style of a yankee.

Been to many places. Almost cover the whole Manhattan, from uptown to midtown to downtown except for the Harlem area and the west & east side of Manhattan.

Had so much fun with Ashley and Min, the best part was being able to re-experience the Episode Chinese Movie Watching (TVB) at Ashley's late at night. Doing some gurly stuff, gossiping, laughing, sharing love life and talking about the past & growing up were something that I appreciated most. In life, i'll never be able to find a friend like that anymore. Ash is some one i grew up with and also someone who molded me in someways when i was a teen.

Went to many good restaurants, tried real Korean food and some really tasty Malaysian food, best of all, the real Hong Kong Chinese food. Never can I find such good food in Montreal...makes Montreal sounds like crap! Shopping in NYC obviously is like heaven... so many varieties and the prices are not extravagant costly. The only thing that is over expensive is the Rent -properties.

The truth is, there are always pros and corns in different circumsenteces. I still prefer Montreal even though New York is a lot more fun and exciting. I was amazed by the canyons of skyscrapers, the swirling crowds of New Yorkers on streets, especially those working class. I do not deny the fact that NYC has a unique vitality but the legendary pace of "the city that never sleeps" is not true. Everything closes at 9pm, i was surprised that we counldn't find desert shop after 12am. Unlike Montreal, restaurants open until 4 - 5 am. But again, Montreal has no compare to NYC.

Broadway Show is a must to watch while you are in NYC. I was lucky enough to have caught 2 Broadway Show during my 10 days stay in the city. The Lion is the Best BROADWAY SHOW ever seen. The costumes are amazing and the music is indescribable. The real life singing and acting was fabulous!!! Phantom of the Opera was good too but it might be a bit boring if you do not know the story before going to watch the show. I wish i could have watched Mama Mia too.

Overall in my opinion, NYC is a good place to have fun and earn money but not a good place to build a family and retire.

HeRe I cOmE NeW YoRk, NY

2005-08-20T22:19:00.000-04:00

8 hours before departure to NYC.
Just finished packing and now im all ready to enjoy my trip!!
Called Ashley and in about 18hours, Ill be seeing my Best Buddy after 4 yrs.
Well....thats it for now.

Updates laterz.....

Can't Take it....

2005-08-17T21:38:00.000-04:00

Sex And The City should be BANNED BANNED BANNED.

I am no one to say this but just everything in it is sooooooooo freaking wrong. I never really watched Sex And The City before, but just 5 mins ago was my first time. Just a short 30 mins of Sex And The City I watched, I found soooo much flaws and immorality in it, how much more immoralities and wrong teachings there will be if anyone were to watch it every single day!!! not to say, if it is watched by teens, I cant imagine the influence of it.

I know North America is all about openess, sex, money and so on....these are all craps.... It doesnt contribute to the society and most of all not to human kind. Immoralities has made human kind more horny and polluted and changed what used to be known as WRONG to be RIGHT now. arggg.....im soooooo MAD.

One of the blonde girl, Samantha Jones in the series i watched just now, was saying that sleeping with either female or male is no longer a matter to discuss about because when you have sex with someone, that particular someone should be seen as an individual, they sex should not be considered. She even said that it is ok to sleep with gays or lesbians so that we will know better how to play THE GAME of SEX. man...what are all these!! I personally feel that movies like this are bacially teaching the society to be holes and bitches, as if we dont have to value sex or ur partner. All you have to do is to go out and get urself fuck and have fun with it and continue doing it as a routine and grow old with it. Damn....it is just tooo much.

How can society accept such immorality and .... i cant even find a word to describe it.

Im just mad to see how bad and polluted we are as the whole society.

Awkwardness

2005-08-17T17:39:00.000-04:00

I bumped into my church friends that day while i was holding hands with my koyibito, walking on St. Catherine as sual on a Saturday afternoon. We never bumped into anyone from church before even after more than a year since we started our own lil secret life, but i guess somehow, somewhat, people will find out.
Come to think about it, i shouldnt even be hiding my relationship with Min anymore. My bro, the person whom i want to hide most from, knew bout us already, who else should i hide right. However, i still feel awkward about it. Since everyone from chruch thinks that i am single... i prefer to remain it that way. I just dont want them to see me being lovey-dovey or what-so- ever with my boyfriend. Maybe i just care too much about what others will think of me. Whatever it is, sooner or later, everyone will know. I think i should just remain cool and act as if nothing happened.

Chill

A Song That Makes Me Smile

2005-08-16T17:05:00.000-04:00

"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel aloneOh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be allright
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Home

2005-08-16T15:18:00.000-04:00

When I think of this lyrics, it somehow reminds me of home. Of cause there is no longer someone"special" in my life back in Msia other than my family members, it still touches me.
HOME - a word that means a lot. I want a "home" by myself; a home that i build, live and die for. Anyone who tries to disturb my home, I promise I'll make him/her pay. I guess the reason why so is because i never had a perfect home. My "home" was ruined even before i was able to protect it. I was still very young, and i was incabable to understand what was going on when my dad left home. In short, i never had a perfect home when i grew up. Maybe that is why I am sooo desperate to have a home by myself now. I want to give my children the best home and i promise to be the best mum i could be in future.

Whatever it is.... i miss my mum.

NYC TrIp....ComInG Up

2005-08-11T10:15:00.000-04:00

One more week and ill be in New York City enjoying my last vocation for Summer 2005!

Im all excited about the trip and of couse, most of all, im excited to meet Yuk Shan again after 4 yrs. Been sufting online to look for the attractions in NYC... Broadway Show is top of my list and of cause Statue of Liberty and so on. I might even be going to watch a Baseball game, just to get the experience, and who knows.... i might see some hot bodies and broad shoulders' Yankees... haha...just jk. opsss.... hopefully i wont get into trouble for saying this =p ...*grin*

Museums, shoppings, food, central park .....clubs are what i want!! Hopefully 10 days are good enough. Is gonna be sooooo FUN...too bad Cindy, KF, SU, Wei Ming .... are not gonna be there.
=( If not, it will be a *blast*....i miss ya guys... We should definately have a gathering soon!!

Malaysia

2005-08-09T10:31:00.000-04:00

Finally my bro is back to Malaysia for two months....which means that im gonna be all alone for 2 months.

I have been busy lately and i havent really get the chance to enjoy my "alone" stay, however, i think it is gonna boring and scary....most of all LONELY.

I miss home....i want to go home ....the Food is the best...i have been craving for LAKSA, MAMAK and Curry Mee. Mum calls me almost every 2 days to update me about my bro's trip back in Msia. Im sooo jealous of what they have been doing...and guess what...all they have been doing is EATING and driving to somewhere else to EAT!!! argggggg.....soooooo jealous!

Besides, everyone else is back in Malaysia. I saw yy's friendster and she posted up pictures of them having a gathering in Malaysia. I never get the chance to meet everyone and last year when i went back...i didnt even get to spend a lot of my time with my friends. sigh.....

Was thinking of visiting bob, but his parents are in town and he is busy with them... well i guess we have to wait til spring break or summer next yr, Bob!

Quebec City - Trip

2005-06-29T23:02:00.000-04:00

Montmorency Fall

Fairmont Le Chateau Frontenac

This trip basically an "eye opener" to me. I been to Quebec City many times but never got the chance to actually stay in the Castle. =)

Fairmont Le Chateau Frontenac was a castle during the French colony in Quebec. For anyone who doesnt know the history of Quebec, Quebec was under French colony long long time ago and later on, it was conquered by the British when they won the tragic war. That's why Quebec province is the only province that speak French and is sooo different from other provinces of Canada.

Anyways, Chateau (castle) Frontenac is a hotel now and it is extravagant. I gotta spend one night at the castle and it is kind of scary. ehhe... the elevator didnt work well and it almost stopped on every level. =S The room was a bit small and it didnt turn out to be what i expected. I'll say that the 5 star hotels in Malaysia are better. However, it was a good experience to have stayed in a few hundred years old castle.

Apparently the Montmorency Fall is the HIGHEST fall on earth. It is higher than the world's famous niagara falls but of cause it is not as huge and amazing. I was surprised though... looks can be deceiving huh!! Cant believe that this small Montmorency Fall is the world's highest fall.

It was a fun trip to Quebec City. It is soooo French there, more so than Montreal and it felt as if i was in Europe. I will be back again and the next time, i wish to go with someone special as it is such a romantic city to spend with someone important!!

~tHe wEddiNg dAy~

2005-06-27T16:16:00.000-04:00

Fairmont Royal York Hotel

Hao & Patrick

Patty, Jas & Ming

Cousinz Gathering in Foreign Country

Selene & Jas

This is one of the BEST wedding I ever been. It was a definite hit! AWESOME....

We had it all under one roof at the opulent Fairmont Royal York Hotel, Toronto. We started our journey to downtown Toronto at 3pm (18thJune) and while we were in the car, the girls, me included was still holding blusher, lipstick and mirror in our hands. *bLuSh*

Cousins, aunts & uncles all coming from Australia, UK, USA & Malaysia arrived at the chandeliers adorned lobby and we had a warm welcome and hugs to each other. Didn't see some of them for almost 10 yrs!! The wedding was definately a gathering of family members.

Soooo much Food, Dance, Fun and most of all PICTURES!! Didnt get to post all the pictures here. Check out the link at the side of my blog. That's just the summary of the whole trip!

We should definately organize another gathering like this soon. Noone wants to wait 5 to 8 yrs til my Wedding day =p *bLuSh*

Love you guys...Cousinz!!

Blood is thicker than water. I finally understand that now =)

Toronto Trip - 1st day

2005-06-25T15:41:00.000-04:00

World's Tallest Man-Made Tower

CN Tower

CN Tower - Glass Floor

Jas & Bao Bao

I had sooooooooooooo much fun for the past one week!!

Went to Toronto for my cousin, Patrick's wedding and it was awesome.

Arrived in Toronto one day before the wedding and i met up with Bao who came all the way from London, Uk. The real London, ehhe...not the fake London, Ontario that Canadian familiar with. A few of us, cousinz brought Bao to downtown Toronto and it was fun to have the chance to hang out again.

Got back to my aunt's place pretty late that day and we were all very excited about the BIG day tomorrow - THE WEDDING DAY!!

Summer

2005-06-20T01:07:00.000-04:00

Read this article a few days ago, find it interesting. =P
Why not you guys give it a try... Spice up ur hot summer life!!!

"Summer is the time when one sheds one's tension with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world."

-Formal New York Times architecture critic Ada Louise Huxtable-

Or you could just sit on a patio and get drunk. Which is definately one of my favourite summer activities. Especially if it's a weekday afternoon and Im playing hooky and the patio drinking is followed by some hot, sweaty sex, and then maybe a good meal on another patio on a warm summer evening. All is certainly right in mu world after a day like that.

There is no doubt that summer is one of the sexy season full of people shedding tensions and clothes. It's also the one season in which couples and singles are at peace with each other, as both benefit from summer's seductiveness. Couples get to have sweaty make-out sessions while lying in the park, and singles get to sweat more pheromones and hopefully get laid.

Here are some suggestions to help you turn up the heat and have the sexiest summer ever:

This summer why don't you:

Show you guy your best Popsicle-eating technique. No guy? Show a stranger.
Rent a air-conditional hotel room in the middle of the afternoon. Single? Bring toys. Or a cute stranger.
Grab a bottle of wine and a blanket and head to a park and lie under that summer-in-the-city night sky together. Or go by yourself and ask thw first cutie who walks by if they'd like to join you.
Slice up ripe mango and feed it to each other. Lick the juice off each other's chins. Or feed it to yourself and ask a cute stranger if he'd like to lick the juice off your chin.
Bring a tray of ice cubes to bed and rub them on your "hot spots."
Close the windows and turn off the fan and the A/C and have the thigh-sweatiest sex you can stand. Single? Masturbate while fantasizing about it.
Go to a drive-in (yes, there are still some left) and make-out in the back seat. Perfect 1st date idea too.
Have a cold shower together. Have a cold shower alone. It'll cool you and help ease the sexual tension if you have trouble getting any.
Freeze a bunch of grapes, lie back in bed and slowly feed them to each other. Or lie back, watch a romantic movie and feed frozen grapes to yourself.
Break into a public swimming pool at 3am and go skinny-dipping together. Solo? Invite friends and tell them to bring a sinle friend. Better than speed-dating.

RaNdOm

2005-06-15T09:52:00.000-04:00

Been 3 weeks that I have not been having good night sleep. Slept for only 10 hours in total for the past 4 days. Took a sleep test and this is the "Sleep Test Results":

You show symptoms of sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder. People with sleep apnea quit breathing repeatedly, often hundreds of times during their nights sleep.

You show symptoms of insomnia, which is defined as a persistent inability to fall asleep or stay asleep.

I need my sleep badly. Im sooo tired and if this continue, I'll be doomed for my finals next week.
Going to Toronto for cousin's wedding tomorrow. 5pm train which means that i still have the whole day to study. Hopefully will have much done. No more caffein for a while... need to sleep...need to rest...need energy!!!

Wedding is on Sat. Bought a dress and a shawl just for the wedding... Wedding wedding oh wedding...why do people get married. yadahyadahyadah... I know the answer.

Have no idea what to blog. Later...

FeeLing bEtteR

2005-06-08T22:05:00.000-04:00

Finally one day without too much sun shine...

Some of you might be thiking that im crazy because everyone loves Summer... Im not saying that i dont like summer but is just that too hot makes me headache. That was why i had migraine for the past one week. The weather was so hot ....it felt just like home. With the humidity, i dont even want to get out of the house. I know i shouldnt even be complaining cause if were to compare to Msia, this weather is 5 times better here. But it is different cause we have A/C every where in Msia and I dont walk around in the city.

It was 18 C today. A bit chilly with the wind but i like it. I think the best weather will be around 18 to 26 C. That is for me but to many other people here, they like it SUPER hot and sunny so that they can get some color on their pale skin.

Anyways, I got my midterm back and i scored ok. Not too good, not too bad. Im ok with it cause i was really in bad shape when i took the exam. Am happy that i got an average.

10 more days to cousin's wedding. Will be heading to Toronto on the 17th then will be back on the 20th. It will be crazy as my finals will be on the 22nd. I need to focus and start studying now. Summer school is super intensive but it is good in a way cause i gotta get it done fast.

That's it for now. Nothing much to blog.

aSkInG Too mUcH?

2005-06-05T21:43:00.000-04:00

Am I lacking of attention??!!?
Yeap, here am i Bitching again.

All im asking is just more attention on me!! Is it sooo hard to do? Things aren't the same anymore. Where are those cares and understandings?

Yes, I vent and I bitch... but why can't I do so? Im just like a normal girl who is doing what a normal girl will do! I really do not think im asking too much. In fact, I don't ask for much at all.

Too personal here...sorry guys! I just need to let all out and I have noone here to listen to me. Im sick of keeping it in and suffer it alone.

Im just too emotional now...

~nOt tHe sAmE~

2005-06-03T23:55:00.000-04:00

Since last week ... i dont feel the same anymore.

Im not myself and i dont know how to be myself. Things were really bad last week...getting better now after all the stresses, migraine, decisions, struggles, rebel.... thoughts and thoughts and thoughs....

Made a decision, might not be a good one but i have faith in it... will see how things go.

Im actually bored with my life... I am not so happy with current life here. Maybe it is because i get bored with things fast. I need more excitement in life...need more friends and obviously need more girl friends...but it is not easy to just "click" with people. I have changed into a more reserve person and im only open to people whom im closed to and who ever else, i dont give a damn. I was never like that back home. I have no idea what happened to me. Is it because i was hurt so many times that now it is like a defense mechanism to just keep myself away from people so that i wont get hurt again????

I hate being bitter. I hate being judgemental, I hate hating, and most of all ...I hate self-pity!
I have to change and i need support. Noone understands, i know people do care for me which makes me feel worst. I feel that i dont even deserve their care as i dont care much about them, but that's grace that has been given to me and im living with it each day for granted.

Im tired... im facing it and im going to deal with it.

Mid-TeRm

2005-05-31T01:37:00.000-04:00

Im sooooo dead.... mid-term on Wednesday and yet i still can't put myself back together.

I JUST CAN'T FOCUS!!!

Im giving up... i soooo gonna do bad and fail and waste money... and the worst...my GPA!! Tranfersing to JMSB is so down the drain. sigh....

Give me the strength to do this... im soooo weak.

Stomach-ache & headache... most of all... heart-ache.

IM JUST tooooo SICK

sLeeP, dReAm & ReaLiTy

2005-05-30T14:39:00.000-04:00

12pm already!!

Been waking up late for the past 4 days. My body just can't adjust back to normal time. Feel sooo tired and dead. Maybe that is why im still having migraine. I cant help it... i go to bed at usual time but i can't fall asleep until 4am!! If i were to tell this to someone, am sure he is gonna say :" you should get some sleep!!" but HOW???

How i wish i can just dive myself in bed without having to eat, study and so on.... Time flies when you are asleep! It is a good way to run and run and run away from the reality but when you wake up, you feel the same again... and you realised that sleeping is just a good excuse to run and you know that you have been lying to yourself again and again...

I do not deny the fact that im bothered!! i do not deny the fact that I want to run! and more so.... i do not deny the fact that im unhappy and lonely!! But i gotta do this to find myself and to find HIM.

I dreamt of my old days back in high school. Teen days were the coolest! I dreamt of my girls and my guys! Those few guys were the topic in those days and my girls were there to support and gosip with me...

In the dream, we girls got the guys we ever wanted and wished for... but after a while, we realised that they werent that cool and we left them. It was sooo cool to dream of something like that. But at one point, i dreamt that I rejected MR.E because the reality came into the picture and it was YOU that i wanted most.

Let me dream more....... at least i can feel ur presence!

MigRaInE

2005-05-29T22:29:00.000-04:00

Pain pain pain... Stupid headache has been attacking me for the past 3 days. Been substituting candy with Advil... not good!!!
Everything seems to be so blue. The weather sucks and studying sucks too.
Mid-term on Wednesday and finals on the 22nd June. Won't be able to handle this if the migraine pro-long!

What is the ultimate medicine for migraine??!??

Sex

2005-05-29T02:18:00.000-04:00

So... you are reading this because the subject line is sex.
Would you have read it if it said God? Probably not.

But why not?
What is so interesting about sex which will lead you to lust more and more while knowing God will assure your future and most of all, the gift of eternal life!!

He is out there with an open arm, waiting earnessly for your return. Why not receive the hug and be in the embrace of the everlasting?

WhEn WiLL tHis eNd?

2005-05-27T23:40:00.000-04:00

Hardest time to go thru in a day is after the sun sets...
Falling asleep has never been sooo hard.

no longer know what my thoughts are...

WhaT Is FoReVeR?

2005-05-25T23:52:00.000-04:00

"All man are like grass,

and all their glory is like flowers of the field;

the grass withers and the flowers fall,

but the word of the Lord stands forever."

1 Peter 1:24-25

It is so true that all possessions, accomplishments, people etc... will eventually fade away and disappear. Only the Ultimate's will, word and work are forever and permanent. We should stop grasping the temporary, and begin focusing our time, money and, energy on the permanent - the word of God and our eternal life in Christ.

I realised that many times we base our self-concept on our accomplishments. But i think our relationship with Christ is far more important than our jobs, successes, wealth, or knowledge. We are God's children, his very love and his own, we are called to represent Him to others. We should remember that our value comes from being one of His children, not from what we can achieve. We have worth because of what God does, not because of what we have done.

A bRoKeN HeArT...

2005-05-24T18:35:00.000-04:00

Knowing the truth but not accepting it... is denial

Knowing it happens and have no control over
the situation... is helpless

Unyielding & fighting to hold on to something
dearly... is stubbornness

Not willing to give up eventhough you know
the end result... is struggle

Maybe that's why im struggling......

Is tHat ReaLLy wHat yOu wAnT???

2005-05-23T22:11:00.000-04:00

Confused...
Can't focus...
I am not giving up....
Im not Willing to...
Why can't it be my way?
What do you really want?
Is that what you want from me?
Help me... i don't want to accept this...
It is too much to ask from me...
please don't take that away....
that's what i have now....
that's all i need now...
I alone can't do this...
I can't bear this pain...
Please please please, tell me that it is not true...
Show me another way...
No more tears on bed-sheet...
No more swollen eyes...
it hurts a lot...
i can't do this...i just can't...

SHOW me another WAY!!!!

My day...

2005-05-18T00:16:00.000-04:00

I re-decorated and re-arranged all the funitures in my room. Tried to set up a relaxing corner but it didnt turn out to be too good as i need a sofa!! Was browsing the net to find a resonable sofa but they are too costly. Guess i'll just wait til the 1st of July(moving day) to pick up some old, useful funitures.

Went to my bro's thesis defance this afternoon. He is now officially a graduated master student in Biology. Sooo proud of him. No more studying for him for the rest of his life. I wonder when will be my turn.....

Budget is very tight. I need to find more students and a part time job will be perfect! Should i work at a restaurant?!??? Under-table? I dont feel like working illegally. Besides, restaurant job is hard. =(

Nothing much to blog about now. Maybe i should start studying for my midterm.

Stefffff!!

2005-05-11T11:54:00.000-04:00

Stef, see how influential you are! I have a post specially dedicated to ya!!

EVERYBODY!!! this is our cute STEF back in Form4-16 yrs old.

Gosh, she must be cursing me now. =p Calm down, Stef! You are a lot prettier now. Besides, looks is not everything. You have a big heart and a kind soul. If everyone were to judge you by ur out look, they must be very shallow. =)

Those years back in high school was the best. I wish i could go back to high school and care less about the future. I still do see myself in high school though. Been getting lots of comments about how young i look. Can you believe that I was carded to get in to a bar, carded to play pool & mistaken for being under-age to volunteer (legal age is 17, that's mean i look youger than 17). Min, beware of being accused as pedophile when you are with me! =p

Was on bus to Fanny's birthday party and I was addressed by the bus driver as Min's little sister. I couln't believe that! It is acceptable to look young if I dressed like a teenager but this lil-sis incident is soooo unacceptable! I was wearing a long black formal coat, heels and i had light make-up on too! Arggggg, what can i say? Do you gals get comments like that too in the western world?

I was always known as the BIG sister in high school as I was the 2nd oldest after yy in the gang. Im used to being called OLD but now... all a sudden, i became YOUNG, as in not 1 or 2 yrs younger than my actual age but 5 Yrs!!!! That is just ridiculous.

Being young is fun though. I actually do wish that im younger. I miss old days and i trully miss home. However, even if im given the chance to go home now, nothing will be the the same anymore. Things will not even be close to exactly the same. I lost 2 family members since i came to Canada and my gang of gal friends are all over the world...Aus, USA, Uk, Germany.....

All I can do is just to look at the pictures that we took before and indulge myself into them when i want to. Nothing can compare to those sweet & memorable times we had before and those were really unforgetable and precious memories ever in a life time.

ExPreSSiOn

2005-05-07T00:55:00.000-04:00

Went to old montreal to take some shots.. turned out to be good. I love digi cam!!

DePreSsIoN?!? oR oVeR-ReAcTinG?

2005-04-25T00:49:00.000-04:00

Not in "normal" spirit for the past week and a half. High spirit in the beginning of the week and towards the end of the week, it was bad. Had this feeling before when i was under minor depression. Really wonder whether i was totally heal from then...

Psychologists describe depression as negative thinking which gradually becomes self-defeating and it is a prolonged & persistent negative mood which can colour and interfere with many aspects of life. It is characterised by feelings of sadness, disappointment, loneliness, worthlessness, excessive guilt, self-doubt and hopelessness. I feel them all, especially worthlessness....

Emotional
Sadness, Anxiety, Guilt, Anger, Mood swings, Lack of emotional responsiveness, Helplessness, Hopelessness, Physical Chronic fatigue, lack of energy, Sleeping too much or too little, overeating or loss of appetite, Constipation, Weight loss or gain, Irregular menstrual cycle, Loss of sexual desire, Unexplained aches and pains.

Behavioural
Crying spells, Withdrawal from others, Worrying, Neglect of responsibilities, Loss of interest in personal appearance, Loss of motivation, Thoughts/Perceptions,Frequent self-criticism, Self-blame, Pessimism, Impaired memory and concentration, Indecisiveness and confusion, Tendency to believe others see you in a negative light, Thoughts of death and suicide.

I have almost all the symptoms listed above. I think i should definately go see a psychologist but i just don't feel like telling a stranger about how i feel and im sick of those treatments they give you.

I just wanna run...run far far away... im tired....im sick...i dont feel good...i dont feel that i belong here...i dont know who am i.

Hopefully these feelings will go away...

~SpRiNg ShoPpiNg SpRee~

2005-04-22T22:48:00.000-04:00

Should i keep the dress? Or should i return it? What do u girls think?

SiCk NiGhT oUt!!!

2005-04-20T16:18:00.000-04:00

Just tooooo MUCH...... for me at least

WHAT THE WORLD HAS BECAME.....

Feelllll soooooo Sick!! I seen worse on TV but just the fact that i was in a CHEAP pub watching fat girls LIVE Dirty-Dancing for 2 hours made me felt like PUKING!!!

Anyone seen something like this before, back in MALAYSIA???!!?? guess not... if so, that person will so gonna get his/her ass right into the prison! That's what Malaysian government called "khalwat" means seclusion. ( according to bob)

Western world is always too MUCH...too open. How could anyone feel comfortable making out in the public? In front of soooo many freaking people. I do understand the HUMAN RIGHTS thingy here...but Man!! dont they feel shameful or embarass?

Felt so ashamed for those girls and at the same time I was mad... those girls just degraded Female kind!! However, i do understand why ... i called it DESPERATION! Just look at their body... do they have a choice to ask for a better man? Sounding mean here...but it is soooo true.

We live in a realistic world with bitches and bastards around ... almost everyone is freaking realistic and materialistic....we cant hide but jus to live with it. And for those girls ...the fat ones especially, want to get their fun and attention from MALEs, knowing the fact that MALEs just want to get them laid. What do men care about anyways? They get their WORK-OUT done and all they need is just a hole...who cares about the face nor the body when you are desperate, right? But obviously, not saying that all men are the same...so dont get SENSITIVE here.

No matter how, girls, we really do gotta beware of certain guys... they have intentions! I dont believe that girls and guys can be "best best" of friends. We are from different planet and we cant be innocent when we deal with THEM. JUST have to be smart and know how to play the game, there will only be one WINNER!

By the way, im just voicing out my opinions. It is a free corner here to say whatever i want.

ChiLL

I am a TeAcHeR

2005-04-19T20:16:00.000-04:00

Found myself a part-time job ... Teaching Mandarin!

I know my mandarin sucks back in high school but still... i decided to put it into use now as im desperate for MONEY!

Recently found a korean girl as student and now... im officially a Tutor. My job is just to speak to her in mandarin and teach her Mandarin idioms. It sounds easy but it is still a challenge since she can speak mandarin quite well. Come to think about it, I should be able to teach high school mandarin since i was in mandarin school for 10 yrs!!! oh man... i feel so ashamed that my mandarin is sooo bad.

Well, at least i know mandarin and im kind of proud of it! Thanks mummy for sending me to Mandarin school!

AMC rocks....

JuSt FinIsHeD!!

2005-04-17T11:28:00.000-04:00

yey! im done with FINALS.

Now im left with nothing to do while others are still busy with their finals till the 28th of April. hrmmmm... have to find something to amuse myself.

Went to fix my nails yesterday...i love it. French Manucure makes me feel SEXY! =p

Cant think of anything to blog now... Hopefully I'll find something interesting to do for the next few weeks.

~BeAuTiFuL~

2005-04-06T14:15:00.000-04:00

The sun is high up, birds chipping, squirrels chasing around on the green green grass... ...

Short-skirts, slippers, tank-tops, bare skins, fit bodies, mascular shoulders, sports-cars... ...

The weather is just Beautiful....

downtown Montreal, Spring 8 degrees C.

~Transfering~

2005-04-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

Counting down

10, 9 ,8, 7 ,6 ... ...

days to finlas!! Not nervous yet but i know i will be soon!

After the 13th and the 15th, i'll be Officially done with my 2nd year! BUT i haven't even started with any of my MAJOR couses! yeah...stupid John Molson School Of Business only accept transfering once a year which lead me into the state of wasting money and time, taking random elective and core courses. Anyways, i wish i will do good in this coming finals and get my ass into the business school!

Thinking of majoring in accountancy. Not too sure whether i really want to do so as it is known as the most boring job ever BUT at least it is stable. Who knows, maybe i will continue with CA after the degree. Am also thinking of minoring in economics since it is interesting... conversely i have to stay in Uni for another 27 credits.

sigh...future seems tough though im enjoying my life now!

ChiLL.....

I FoUnD yOu....

2005-03-18T16:03:00.000-05:00

Life is not as boring as before after meeting you....

You are soooo fun to be with. Outgoing, funny, cute and exciting... just like me !!=p
I think i finally found ya! No more boring weekends as long as you are in Montreal..that's the way i like it man!! yey!!

Hanging out with you in Reggies is the best...i will never feel lonely and weird around all guys anymore! Wasn't it fun to just play cards and drink after a whole week of studying? Lets do it again after finals... or maybe we can go to Central Station again... You were amazing on Saturday, you had some good moves there!!!

Thank you for being there!! Im sure we will have more fun on our next "DATE"!!

Love ya much .....LAURA!!!!

DoN't yOu UnDeRsTaNd?

2005-03-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

4 5683 263 6477 968.

226 968 4483 63+

2 242623 86 8253

2273 63 968

367 6623 6673?

Why are you doing this? You are gonna hurt yourself... i thought i made it CLEAR!!

the answer is 66+ , 2268!

NO, cant!

76779

Nokia

~Im gLaD to Be JuSt fRiEnd~

2005-03-06T01:15:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the Song... i really like it. Didn't know that you can write your own song...im impressed!

Yeah... you know who you are ... Still can't believe that after 4-and-a-half years we get in touch again. The most surprising thing is that.... after so many years, you still feel the same way.

Trying to avoid confusions and misunderstandings....i tried hard to mantain our friendship. I thought after so many years, the feelings are gone for ya as it has already for me. I have no idea that the union of our friendship will again lead u into this haze of misunderstaning. i feel bad for the whole situation. I mean...it was nice to talk to ya and it was great to be able to keep in touch again after so many years. I reallly really am happy that we still being able to chat like last time but one thing has to be clear ...there shouldn't be any thing more than just friend. I hate to say this cause i know it will hurt ya and worst still..i hate being the Bad Guy whom have to bring this matter up.. but again i wouldn't want to lead you on or else it will be harder later on to tell ya all this.. if i had misled you, im sorry. i had no intention to have aroused ur feelings... all this while i just miss ya companionship as in friendship...

I dont know what else to say...but sorry.
Hope that we can still be friends =)

aLwAyZ.......

~BeeN a LoNg wHiLe~

2005-03-04T02:41:00.000-05:00

Wow....i nearly forgot my password to access my blog!! Really been a while.

Hi everyone, Im back to BLOG.

Let's see.... ..... so much to write, where should i start from? Maybe a new start will be good. I really hope i can turn time back!!

This semester has been a BOMB... it is not over yet.. 6 more weeks to FINALS and im scared. Been studying a lot and again my midterm had failed me. was very disappointed with them and i have no idea why. Guess my strategy of studying is wrong...sigh..

However, the good news is.... .... IM NOT GIVING UP! i believe that i can do it. It is so true that as we grow older, there are more challenges to face. I should learn not to be affraid, in fact, i should be exposed more to failing as there are more to come in future... Academic is not the only thing to face in life. Human will fail me...even i myself will lead myself to stumble. But one thing i know...HE will not fail me and i have peace in HIM.

Thank YOU.

~* BeSt sEaSoN oF tHe yEaR*~

2004-12-19T18:46:00.000-05:00

AT LAST.....finals are over and im sooooooooooo relax now. WOW....feel so good to be free of stress!!

Christmas is around the corner .. a week from now ill be in Toronto spending my WHITE Christmas in a perfect household with 3 of my lovely cousins and Aunt&Uncle ...and of cause my DEARESt brother!! Dont you love Christmas?!?

Yey...It is snowing outside! i just love looking at the pure white snow falling down from the sky ..... snow flakes on ur cheek and snow angels are the prettiest....LOVE IT !! Christmas oh Christmas...thank you Lord for sending ur Son...i feel so loved!!

So gald that im here in North America!! gotta taste the western Christmas!! ....white Christmas...real pine Christmas tree...pure white snow...lots and lots of presents....shopping....Christmas sales....turkey & ham... Yummy!!

Christmas is on HIS way.....and im on my way to TORONTO too!!

~*MeRrY ChRiStMaS*~

always,
~*JaSmInE*~

~* Me & tHe Mid-TeRm*~

2004-11-02T20:00:00.000-05:00

Winter is aPpRoAChInG!!

4.30pm : The sky is already dark; cold and windy.

Today is totally not my day!! It rained the whole day and with my midterm result, it became more depressing. What a "wonderful" start for 2004 fall/winter.

Sooooooo disappointed! I studied SO-VERY hard for my Marketing but i got a C for the midterm. Sob sob sob.... What else can i do? Im so scared and im worrying about the finals now. I cant afford to fail or just a pass as i need a higher GPA. sigh...i think my way of studying is not right at all. SOMEONE please teach me how to study Smart!! I have already done my best!!

I actually cried in the washroom after getting the result. I cant believe that i cried! The last time i cried over my results was in primary school and it was because i couldn't get an A+ !! Im not doing well at all this semester. I have no idea why. I think the workload is too heavy and intensive for me as im such a slow learner and i can take it no more!!

Timmy was trying to cheer me up while i was holding the tears in my eyes. Ignoring him, I went to the washroom and i sob like a big baby. I just couldn't control it... im still so emotional!
When i came out from the washroom, Minoru was waiting for me outside. Not knowing what happened, he gave me a hug and the tears were building up again!! It was embarrassing!! Can you believe that an university student cried because she got a C for midterm!! sigh....i have no idea why i cried but it was absolutely not an act i gave out to gain sympathy.
I left by telling him that i need to be alone for a while...hesitatingly he let me go. Walked in the rain...i headed to the foodcourt and i studied there until Minoru called again. He came...we just talked for a bit and here im blogging at home.

Just realized that my 64mb MP3 player broke. No idea why it is not working...not the battery! sigh...what a day!! hopefully things will be better.

~*eVeRydAy iS a nEw DaY*~

aLwAyZ,
~*JaSmInE*~

whAt WiLL i Do??

2004-10-26T04:05:00.000-04:00

Sitting here.. staring at the computer screen, thinking and wondering how's Julie feeling as she is waiting for her husband to leave her life forever!

They got married 4 months ago and just as they are happily enjoying "just-married" life...he was rushed to the hospital 3 weeks ago. The doctor informed her that his condition was critical. The tumor in his brain got larger just in a few hours and in a few days time, he will not be able to talk, see and recognize people.

3 days..the doctor said two days ago. He is now lying on the bed...waiting for his turn to go. Suffering and at the same time, hoping for miracle to happen.

I can picture Julie sitting beside his dying body... holding his hand, tears flowing from her eyes, and her with a broken heart. She, looking at her newly married groom, taking careful notice of every breath he inhales...croosing her fingers, wishing that it will not be the last breath he takes.
The beeping sound of the cardioagraph has became immuned to her. All she cares now is about his every movement. If she is given a wish, Im sure she will wish for more time. She wants to be with him more than anybody else. She has faith even though she doesnt understand why God is doing this to her.

I try to put myself in her situation and i cant bear it.

WHAT IF THAT HAPPEN TO ME?
1) Will i still be able to be so strong in faith?
2) Will i be able to sit there and wait for the last good-bye?
3) Will i run away from the reality?
4) Will i regret of marrying him?
5) Will i marry another person in future?

and the list goes on and on....

I think the hardest feeling is to knowing that the person you love most is about to leave you forever.
I used to have that feeling when my mum 1st discovered to have cancer. I feared every day that i was gonna lose her and every night i was scared that i wont be able to see her again the next morning.
But God has been so grateful and merciful. He showed great miracles to my family. It has been 5 yrs and my mum is still here until today. I thank Him for that.
As human, we will only appreciate something or someone when we know that we are gonna lose it. From that incident, i learnt to appreciate everyone besides me before it is too late. I also learnt that life is sometimes a joke.

I really hope that God will again show great miracle towards Julie's husband, but if He doesn't, do not be discouraged and despaired. Im sure He has a plan for that. We just gotta be patient and trust in Him that everything He does, that's a purpose.

Julie, our prayer is with you. Be strong and stand firm!!

~*LoVe gIvEs tHe tAsTe oF eTeRnItY*~

aLwAyZ,
~*JaSmInE*~

~La FiN et le CoMMeNcEmEnT~

2004-10-22T20:58:00.000-04:00

The End & The Beginning...

Mummy always say that the end is the beginning of something else therefore shan't be too distracted or disturbed by it. She particularly stresses that Life Goes On and we should face the future with a strong and courage heart.

la fin .... It is finally the end of it. Been a while, a long while. We dont even know how long it took us... All I know was just that we weren't satisfied, happy about the situation and we both suffered. I hated the emptiness, loniness and self-pitiness throughout those quiet, dark and lonely nites. We determined.. we hoped...we held on to it...we tried and we failed. Nothing else can be done and nothing much to be said about ... ...

We shared tones throughout those days...sweet memories, comforts, laughters, fights, misunderstandings and most of all friendship. Those were the days we had... now it became our life history and it will only stay in the memory forever.
Everything will be different from now on and nothing will ever be the same again.

le commencement.... a new start , a new beginning, a new plan ahead...for you and I. We both agree on this... we are now satisfied. From now on, we both have a completely different path... you are going east while im going west. We both are reaching out to a totally different world and there, we build our dreams and future. The future seems bright... I don't hope we made the wrong step... i believe that there will be no regrets. Even if, let it be.....

~*LeT bY-GoNeS bE bY- gOnEs*~

aLwAyZ,
~*JaSmInE*~

Mid-TeRm "JoKe"

2004-10-19T19:13:00.000-04:00

Question is... WHEN is my ECON mid-term!!!

Studied til 230am this morning before sitting for the exams at 10am-1130 and 1145-2.30pm.
Went to class with all the econ theories and marketing concepts in my mind.

Sat in econ class like a zombie, feeling that my head was so heavy...waited for the teacher to come...

Countdown...20mins ...15min...3min...1min...to exam.

Waited, waited and waited...class getting louder and louder... "HE IS LATE" said a noname guy.."LETS go" said another guy and they headed towards the door. My eyes were still locked on my marketing notes as i didnt get to study much for my marketing exam which is at 11.45pm. BOOM!!...(from the door) "CLASS IS CANCELLED!" said the Arabic guy, then he switched off the lights and left.
I stood up slowly... complained to the guy sitting beside me that it was such a waste of time studying til late for both of my midterms. He thinks that the teacher is a bum and he has double standard as he told us that we MUST be in the class for the midterm no matter what consequences...not even urgency. And YET he was the one who didnt show up on the day of MID TERM!!
Come to think about it...i could have studied more for marketing (the exam was hard) if i were to know that the econ will be postpone.
This never happened in my student life before...how can the teacher cancel the exam on the day of exam! It is just like a "JOKE" to me.

~*DeTeRmInAtIoN iS tHe WaKe-uP CaLL tO tHe HuMaN WiLL*~

aLwAyZ,
~*JaSmInE*~

SoRRy...I JuSt CaNt

2004-10-19T12:15:00.000-04:00

Sleeping comfortably on bed, memorizing the concepts of.....market segmentation, target marketing, market positioning...product..services..experience....defination of consumer goods, industrial goods.... ... ... .......

X: Has been a while ...how r u?
Y: yeah 3 yrs...im good...How r u?
X: Im happy over there and everything is good. I love the life style and the people.
Y: Im glad u r happy with ur life over there... I have been thinking of you a lot.
X: (Blush)..er...
Y: Even though you are gone for so long.. i think of being with u almost everyday. I hope i can be
there with you..sharing every single moment with you.
X: Thats the past...please dont mention it again.
Y: Do you think that we can....
X: No...that's no way...
Y: Why...why cant u give it a try?
X: I tried....But I just cant.
Y: It is hard for me too...
X: Yeah...then why...you still wana...
Y: Cause i still feel it..
X: No..its impossible....SORRY I JUST CANT..

beep! beep! beep!....:"Wake up...is 9 am ...u need to go for ur exam" said mummy.

~*To LoVe iS tO GeT HuRt*~

aLwAyZ,
~*JaSMiNe*~

KeeP GoInG....

2004-10-18T06:30:00.000-04:00

It is 2.45 am on Monday morning....burning mid-night oil...studying hard for mid terms on Tues. Covered econs and 2 more chapters of Marketing to go..sigh...not knowing whether ill be able to remember all the theories I learnt. HATE MEMORIZING!!
Minoru called... i complained that i have lots of studying to do. Told him that i wont be going to lib to study but will drop by to get the marketing notes from Tim. He offered to photocopy the notes for me and dropping it to my place before he hits home tomorrow...such a nice guy he is!! Made my day...afterall cramp studying is not too disastrous accompanied with somebody's concern =P
Tsukareta & nemui!! im tired...sleepy. Studying without any music but with the soft snoring sound by mummy!! ANYONE of you experienced that before? ahha...funny er! gonna miss her so much when she goes back to Malaysia in end of Nov. Had a small arguement with her this evening about her saying that i dont appreciate her. Well, i guess she feels neglacted because i didnt pay much attention to her due to my exam. I cant do anything though as i MUST study... have to study even harder by realiasing that im paying 4 times more than the Canadians here!! Hate the fact that im an international student and worst off, I CANT SPEAK FRENCH! DARN IT....
Enuf of complaning for the day...gotta hit the books again.

Jas' Marketing Studying Progress

Stage 1
Stage 2
Stage 3

~*LiFe iS liKe a BoX oF cHoCoLaTe*~

aLwAyZ,
~*JaSmInE*~

SaTiSfY?

2004-10-15T21:30:00.000-04:00

OKOK...just to satisfy you guys..here is my BLOG !!
(especially for you BOB..i know u r desperate to know what i have been doing =p, jk)

just kidding.. of cause i do wana blog but im SO busy!!
Let me see, in 4 days, i ll be sitting for 2 MAJOR mid-term exams...35% and 40% of finals!! IM SO STRESSED!! man...i just started studying and i have 5 more untouched, brand-new chapters to go...darn why am i still here!! i should be studying ...
Well, i really do hope that i will be able to pass them...sigh...TUESDAY the 19th is getting nearer!! I cant concentrate!! Something happened in my personal life and i dont even have time to think about it yet.. Besides, mummy is still in montreal with me n my bro and they have been fighting a lot..mummy cried yesterday because she had a fight with my bro...i dont really know what happened as i really have no time for that.. i do care but ..sigh...it is hard...i have a feeling that im gonna screw up my mid terms...HELP!!
i have so much to say but i just cant put them in words ... not in the mood to blog now...better ciao...

~*Love is patient, love is kind .....*~

AlwAyZ,
~*JaSmInE*~

Im ... bAbY bOttLE PoP

2004-09-23T18:22:00.000-04:00

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

Im "baby Bottle Pop!! ehhee...So, someone out there *HinT*hInT* ...better SPOIL me!

Got home not long ago.Went to the gym with Sole after my class , it has been the longest time i didnt visit the gym..feel so FAT! eakk...can actually feel the flabby flash on my stomach..HATE IT! How a hope i have abs , a slim and fit body~dreaming~ wonder whether it will ever come true. Should tell myself to wake up as this has been the longest dream i ever had..if im not wrong..been dreaming of those Sexy body since i hit puberty. GET OVER IT JASMINE!

Well, im happy that i finnally set up my blog. It is presentable now..SORRY STEF for not informing you that i have a blog...but dont worry, i'll promise to inform you when i get married =p You must be there anyway! Just wanna say thanks to Cindy and Bob for helping me with this Blog ..and also wana thank King Fu for helping with the TAG-BOARD!

It is 3.15pm...i think i better hit the books now as exam is around the corner.

p/s: Nice whether today! 21 C in Montreal.

~* LauGhTeR iS tHe bEsT mEdIcIne*~

AlwayZ,

~*JaSmInE*~

fiNaLLy ^_^*

2004-09-22T02:25:00.000-04:00

AT LAST!! I gotta move the tag board from the bottom to the side! ahha...I had no idea what were templates and had no idea how to deal with those Computer Languages...I think programming sucks man! It actually took me more than 2 days to figure out how to move that stupid tag board. .im all happy now as i gotta fix it by myself without anyone's help, as in doing it for me.. *Hint* bob!! jkjk....THANKS to CINDY, actually!! She was the one who told me how to move the tag board thru MSN...haha...funny!

I love this kind of achievement feeling! It is fulfilling man!! Although it is just a small success on MOVING the tag board, it means quite a lot to me as usually I give up easily. This particular incident does motivate me to be more persistent and be patient towards what I think I cant do. Im learning from my mistake, i must say.

Lesson of the day : Be patient and think more positively
about myself! Learn to be an optimistic person.

~* ThE WiSe LeArN fRoM tHe FoOLiSh *~

Alwayz,
~*JaSmInE*~

~<>~Me & tHe CuTe LiL oNeS~<>~

2004-09-19T21:30:00.000-04:00

Hey there, i think these are the most recent pictures of me taken 2 months back in Vancouver before coming back to Montreal. The cute lil ones beside me are my 4 years old niece, 5 & 6 years old nephews. They are my half chinese and half swiss cousins' daughter and sons...and SURPRISE!! They are all quater chinese!! ahaha..

I Love Kids!! They are so CUTE & INNOCENT!!

Alwayz,

~*JaSmInE*~

StReSs aLReAdY

2004-09-17T02:00:00.000-04:00

AarRrrrr!! Just the 2nd week of new semester and im already sticking my ass on the library's chair! cant believe that Im actually studying already... too much readings and memorization this sem. At least 30 pages for a chapter and the teachers are teaching very fast. Getting scared now as i have no idea what they are talking about!
I was actually studying and i decided to take a break, and here im, staring at the com screen and writing my journal. well well... my neck hurts and i needed a massage badly! miss those massages which i used to get back home from ...SOMEONE....miss u mummy! ...im still getting massages sometimes here...but not all the time. =p *hint*
Aiks..no idea what im wanna write already! i think i should hit the book again.

~* iF yOu dOn'T mAkE tHe MoSt oF wHaT yOu aRe...
yOu rIsK nEvEr DisCoVeRinG wHaT yOu mIgHT bEcOmE*~

Alwayz,
~*JaSmInE*~

The Unpolluted-Unmasked-Me

December 2008

My Birthday

Missing Malaysia

What is inside?

Emptiness

What will you do?

Over Consumed

Security

Not sustainable

Slowly

Again and again...

Nov 13, 2006

The Story

"XIN XUE LAI CHAO"

Time to Come Back

Pic

Noone tells me to GO HOME

They are back

~*Thought of the day*~

Sooooo Fun

oh boy!!! Mr G oh Mr G!!

hewwwwww

Inspiring

Real self?

Farewell, My Friend!

It is all coming back .....

Birthday Celebration

~*My True Colour*~

Merry Christmas

I DONT need you!

PMS-ing?

-None-

~*tHaNkFuLLnEss - it's ur gRaCe*~

Efficiency deficiency

~ oLd fRiEnDs ~

Busy

Amazing Trip

HeRe I cOmE NeW YoRk, NY

Can't Take it....

Awkwardness

A Song That Makes Me Smile

Home

NYC TrIp....ComInG Up

Malaysia

Quebec City - Trip

~*tHe wEddiNg dAy*~

Toronto Trip - 1st day

Summer

RaNdOm

FeeLing bEtteR

aSkInG Too mUcH?

~*nOt tHe sAmE*~

Mid-TeRm

sLeeP, dReAm & ReaLiTy

MigRaInE

Sex

WhEn WiLL tHis eNd?

WhaT Is FoReVeR?

A bRoKeN HeArT...

Is tHat ReaLLy wHat yOu wAnT???

My day...

Stefffff!!

ExPreSSiOn

DePreSsIoN?!? oR oVeR-ReAcTinG?

~*SpRiNg ShoPpiNg SpRee*~

SiCk NiGhT oUt!!!

I am a TeAcHeR

JuSt FinIsHeD!!

~*BeAuTiFuL*~

~*Transfering*~

I FoUnD yOu....

DoN't yOu UnDeRsTaNd?

~*Im gLaD to Be JuSt fRiEnd*~

~*BeeN a LoNg wHiLe*~

~* BeSt sEaSoN oF tHe yEaR*~

~* Me & tHe Mid-TeRm*~

whAt WiLL i Do??

~*La FiN et le CoMMeNcEmEnT*~

Mid-TeRm "JoKe"

~Thought of the day~

~My True Colour~

~tHaNkFuLLnEss - it's ur gRaCe~

~tHe wEddiNg dAy~

~nOt tHe sAmE~

~SpRiNg ShoPpiNg SpRee~

~BeAuTiFuL~

~Transfering~

~Im gLaD to Be JuSt fRiEnd~

~BeeN a LoNg wHiLe~

~La FiN et le CoMMeNcEmEnT~

Im ... bAbY bOttLE PoP

StReSs aLReAdY