~*nOt tHe sAmE*~

Since last week ... i dont feel the same anymore.

Im not myself and i dont know how to be myself. Things were really bad last week...getting better now after all the stresses, migraine, decisions, struggles, rebel.... thoughts and thoughts and thoughs....

Made a decision, might not be a good one but i have faith in it... will see how things go.

Im actually bored with my life... I am not so happy with current life here. Maybe it is because i get bored with things fast. I need more excitement in life...need more friends and obviously need more girl friends...but it is not easy to just "click" with people. I have changed into a more reserve person and im only open to people whom im closed to and who ever else, i dont give a damn. I was never like that back home. I have no idea what happened to me. Is it because i was hurt so many times that now it is like a defense mechanism to just keep myself away from people so that i wont get hurt again????

I hate being bitter. I hate being judgemental, I hate hating, and most of all ...I hate self-pity!
I have to change and i need support. Noone understands, i know people do care for me which makes me feel worst. I feel that i dont even deserve their care as i dont care much about them, but that's grace that has been given to me and im living with it each day for granted.

Im tired... im facing it and im going to deal with it.