Mid-TeRm

Im sooooo dead.... mid-term on Wednesday and yet i still can't put myself back together.

I JUST CAN'T FOCUS!!!

Im giving up... i soooo gonna do bad and fail and waste money... and the worst...my GPA!! Tranfersing to JMSB is so down the drain. sigh....

Give me the strength to do this... im soooo weak.

Stomach-ache & headache... most of all... heart-ache.

IM JUST tooooo SICK

sLeeP, dReAm & ReaLiTy

12pm already!!

Been waking up late for the past 4 days. My body just can't adjust back to normal time. Feel sooo tired and dead. Maybe that is why im still having migraine. I cant help it... i go to bed at usual time but i can't fall asleep until 4am!! If i were to tell this to someone, am sure he is gonna say :" you should get some sleep!!" but HOW???

How i wish i can just dive myself in bed without having to eat, study and so on.... Time flies when you are asleep! It is a good way to run and run and run away from the reality but when you wake up, you feel the same again... and you realised that sleeping is just a good excuse to run and you know that you have been lying to yourself again and again...

I do not deny the fact that im bothered!! i do not deny the fact that I want to run! and more so.... i do not deny the fact that im unhappy and lonely!! But i gotta do this to find myself and to find HIM.

I dreamt of my old days back in high school. Teen days were the coolest! I dreamt of my girls and my guys! Those few guys were the topic in those days and my girls were there to support and gosip with me...

In the dream, we girls got the guys we ever wanted and wished for... but after a while, we realised that they werent that cool and we left them. It was sooo cool to dream of something like that. But at one point, i dreamt that I rejected MR.E because the reality came into the picture and it was YOU that i wanted most.

Let me dream more....... at least i can feel ur presence!

MigRaInE

Pain pain pain... Stupid headache has been attacking me for the past 3 days. Been substituting candy with Advil... not good!!!
Everything seems to be so blue. The weather sucks and studying sucks too.
Mid-term on Wednesday and finals on the 22nd June. Won't be able to handle this if the migraine pro-long!

What is the ultimate medicine for migraine??!??

Sex

So... you are reading this because the subject line is sex.
Would you have read it if it said God? Probably not.

But why not?
What is so interesting about sex which will lead you to lust more and more while knowing God will assure your future and most of all, the gift of eternal life!!

He is out there with an open arm, waiting earnessly for your return. Why not receive the hug and be in the embrace of the everlasting?

WhEn WiLL tHis eNd?

Hardest time to go thru in a day is after the sun sets...
Falling asleep has never been sooo hard.

no longer know what my thoughts are...

WhaT Is FoReVeR?

"All man are like grass,

and all their glory is like flowers of the field;

the grass withers and the flowers fall,

but the word of the Lord stands forever."

1 Peter 1:24-25

It is so true that all possessions, accomplishments, people etc... will eventually fade away and disappear. Only the Ultimate's will, word and work are forever and permanent. We should stop grasping the temporary, and begin focusing our time, money and, energy on the permanent - the word of God and our eternal life in Christ.

I realised that many times we base our self-concept on our accomplishments. But i think our relationship with Christ is far more important than our jobs, successes, wealth, or knowledge. We are God's children, his very love and his own, we are called to represent Him to others. We should remember that our value comes from being one of His children, not from what we can achieve. We have worth because of what God does, not because of what we have done.

A bRoKeN HeArT...

Knowing the truth but not accepting it... is denial

Knowing it happens and have no control over
the situation... is helpless

Unyielding & fighting to hold on to something
dearly... is stubbornness

Not willing to give up eventhough you know
the end result... is struggle

Maybe that's why im struggling......

Is tHat ReaLLy wHat yOu wAnT???

Confused...
Can't focus...
I am not giving up....
Im not Willing to...
Why can't it be my way?
What do you really want?
Is that what you want from me?
Help me... i don't want to accept this...
It is too much to ask from me...
please don't take that away....
that's what i have now....
that's all i need now...
I alone can't do this...
I can't bear this pain...
Please please please, tell me that it is not true...
Show me another way...
No more tears on bed-sheet...
No more swollen eyes...
it hurts a lot...
i can't do this...i just can't...

SHOW me another WAY!!!!

My day...

I re-decorated and re-arranged all the funitures in my room. Tried to set up a relaxing corner but it didnt turn out to be too good as i need a sofa!! Was browsing the net to find a resonable sofa but they are too costly. Guess i'll just wait til the 1st of July(moving day) to pick up some old, useful funitures.

Went to my bro's thesis defance this afternoon. He is now officially a graduated master student in Biology. Sooo proud of him. No more studying for him for the rest of his life. I wonder when will be my turn.....

Budget is very tight. I need to find more students and a part time job will be perfect! Should i work at a restaurant?!??? Under-table? I dont feel like working illegally. Besides, restaurant job is hard. =(

Nothing much to blog about now. Maybe i should start studying for my midterm.

Stefffff!!

Stef, see how influential you are! I have a post specially dedicated to ya!!

EVERYBODY!!! this is our cute STEF back in Form4-16 yrs old.

Gosh, she must be cursing me now. =p Calm down, Stef! You are a lot prettier now. Besides, looks is not everything. You have a big heart and a kind soul. If everyone were to judge you by ur out look, they must be very shallow. =)

Those years back in high school was the best. I wish i could go back to high school and care less about the future. I still do see myself in high school though. Been getting lots of comments about how young i look. Can you believe that I was carded to get in to a bar, carded to play pool & mistaken for being under-age to volunteer (legal age is 17, that's mean i look youger than 17). Min, beware of being accused as pedophile when you are with me! =p

Was on bus to Fanny's birthday party and I was addressed by the bus driver as Min's little sister. I couln't believe that! It is acceptable to look young if I dressed like a teenager but this lil-sis incident is soooo unacceptable! I was wearing a long black formal coat, heels and i had light make-up on too! Arggggg, what can i say? Do you gals get comments like that too in the western world?

I was always known as the BIG sister in high school as I was the 2nd oldest after yy in the gang. Im used to being called OLD but now... all a sudden, i became YOUNG, as in not 1 or 2 yrs younger than my actual age but 5 Yrs!!!! That is just ridiculous.

Being young is fun though. I actually do wish that im younger. I miss old days and i trully miss home. However, even if im given the chance to go home now, nothing will be the the same anymore. Things will not even be close to exactly the same. I lost 2 family members since i came to Canada and my gang of gal friends are all over the world...Aus, USA, Uk, Germany.....

All I can do is just to look at the pictures that we took before and indulge myself into them when i want to. Nothing can compare to those sweet & memorable times we had before and those were really unforgetable and precious memories ever in a life time.

ExPreSSiOn

Went to old montreal to take some shots.. turned out to be good. I love digi cam!!